Tuesday, December 13, 2016

a little rant

i don't understand god's plan
i'm scared of not fulfilling it

i don't understand people
and why they say they're there for you,
but they never really are

i don't understand why i'm so sad
and i'm scared of depression

i'm scared of fear
and i'm scared of contentment

i'm scared of heartbreak
and i'm scared of loneliness

i'm scared of sadness
and i'm scared that happiness isn't happy

i'm scared of failure
and i'm scared of succeeding

i'm scared of staying stagnant
and i'm scared of the unknown

i'm scared of being comfortable
and i'm scared of being uncomfortable

i'm scared of hurt
and i'm scared of mending

i'm scared of uncertainty
and i'm scared of understanding

i'm scared of silence
and i'm scared of talking

i'm scared of you
and i'm scared of who i may become

i'm scared of talking about my feelings
and i'm scared of not being myself when i'm upset

i'm scared of being perfect
and i'm scared of not being perfect

i'm scared of temptation
and i'm scared of liars

i'm scared of honesty
and i'll i want to be is honest

i'm scared of change
and i'm scared when nothing's happening

i'm scared of being real
and i'm scared of being someone i'm not

i'm scared of feelings
and i'm scared of emotions

i'm scared of struggling
and i'm scared of really being ok

i'm scared of attention
and i'm scared of not being noticed

i'm scared of loving
and i'm scared of being insensitive

i'm scared of not being able to control
and i'm scared of being in control of everything

i'm scared of insecurity
and being secure

--

hey, this is just a piece of my mind right now.  i promise i'm perfectly ok, i just sometimes have to rant.  i want y'all to know that i'm here for y'all.  life is hard, i'm always here.

i just feel like i'm going through a hard time right now, i feel like i've waited so long for something that's never going to come.

i promise i'm ok

sincerely,
allie d.

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