for: marie

"how to spend time with God daily and how to set time apart to spend time with him?"

dear marie, try to start spending time with God every morning and every night. that usually helps me. once you get into the routine of that, you can decide day by day when you could spend more time during the day. then make a full schedule of what you do for the entire day and put it beside your bed or somewhere where you can see it. anytime that you are just sitting doing nothing and you might want to go on your phone or something, you could read your Bible or turn on some worship music while you do something.

don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t follow your schedule, it takes time and consistence.

hope this helps! :)

sincerely,
allie d.

for: anonymous

"i am going through an awkward friendship with a close guy friend of mine. last august, we found out that we liked one another, but i said no when it came to the dating part. in all honesty, i'm just scared of dating! i have bad anxiety, so that triggers the fear of it automatically. plus, i'm really afraid of getting hurt, so i don't know what to do exactly. i hate hurting the guy's feelings, but i'm just torn between saying yes or no. what's your input on this? thanks! :)

dear anonymous, i think the best thing for you to do, would be to pray a lot for guidance on what to do in this situation. it would all depend on what your anxiety is caused by, so i also think it would be good for you to dig deeper and figure out why that fear is your first reaction to dating.

sometimes, you have to do what is best for you. so even if you are concerned about hurting this guy's feelings, i would like to encourage you to remember that you sometimes have to do what is best for you.

i would also like to say, that a parent or guardian or role model would be someone good to talk to about this as well.

just be completely honest with everyone about what you are going through :)

hope this helps!

sincerely,
allie d.

for: isa

"hi! i'm a junior! okay so i have an awful tendency to like a guy and then not like him. it breaks their heart and i got to the point to where i told myself i wouldn't date in high school anymore. i made that decision before summer last year. i ended up breaking my promise with myself because i started to like a guy. then out of the blue one day i realized i didn't like him anymore and i had to break things off, we only talked for a few weeks but it broke him. it was an unpleasant situation and his feelings for me way too quickly. it was one of the worst experiences with guys i've ever had. then i got super mad at myself and i made the promise again. after talking to that guy, (which was around thanksgiving) i haven't talked to anyone else. i just haven't been able to trust myself. there's a guy that i kinda like now..he's a christian, a good guy, funny, sweet, cute and i'm developing a crush i can't really stop. whenever i see him (which isn't much) my fondness for him grows. i see him at church and sometimes in school but not much at all. i realized i've liked him for a few weeks now. the thing is, i tend to like someone then stop after they start liking me, and also, i know this is looking super ahead but he's going to be in the navy. i know i need to give it time but i just thought maybe there's some advice you could give me or just help me feel like i'm not alone. thank you so much.

dear isa, thanks for writing in! my best advice for you would be to wait a little longer to start something with this guy. i think we all should wait a while after a breakup to start another romantic relationship. but, i also feel that this "stop liking guys when they start to like you" thing could be something that you just need to grow out of. i would also like to encourage you to maybe sit down in a quiet room with a notebook and write down your thoughts and feelings regarding that, and you may be able to figure out why you stop liking guys when they start liking you. it's probably something that you subconsciously do. it may be something that you are doing to try to protect yourself or something like that. and if you can analyze yourself enough to find out the meaning behind why you do that. it could help you, if it's something that is not benefiting you, you can stop thinking from that mindset.

i'm not sure if this fits your situation, but you may be rushing into relationships too quickly. if you feel like you break things off after they start to like you because you find out something about them (ex. a characteristic, view, etc.) that you don't like, then maybe you should start to get to know a guy better before starting a serious relationship.

another piece of advice would be to maybe if you have another situation to where you just out of the blue don't like a guy anymore, take a week at least to think about why you may feel disinterested. don't make these decisions too quickly. i feel like that may help you, so it won't be so hard on your guy.

i would also like to encourage you to just keep praying about the situation. i feel like we as girls seem to get easily obsessed over things (especially guys), so if it's possible i think you should just kind of lay low for a while and just take a moment to breathe and be single. i know that can be hard, but you waiting now will help to prepare you for someone worthwhile to come along and who knows, they may be your forever guy.

don't get your heart set on this guy, or on any expectations that you may have made. it may save you from heartbreak later on.

i actually notice one thing that i think you could change for next time...i noticed that you said you made a promise to yourself, and i just can't help but notice that that's probably why you couldn't keep that promise. we are human. if you make any more promises, maybe next time you could make that promise to God instead. that was just something that i noticed, so i figured i'd point it out. :)

this is hard advice to take, i know if i were you, i wouldn't want to hear this, but i hope you can get something out of this that you may be able to implement in your life.

sincerely,
allie d.

for: just a friend

"when you have a friend who feels unloved/unwanted, what do you say to him/her to help them?"

dear just a friend, i definitely think that people who feel unloved/unwanted are very fragile. i don't mean that in a judgmental or offensive way, but it is just a delicate situation. so at first, i would suggest to slowly and gradually open up, giving him/her a chance to talk about their struggles, and you might be able to discern why they might feel unloved or unwanted. try to put yourself in their shoes, and be a friend to him/her. depending on the person and the situation, it could be a long time before they start opening up and sharing why they feel unloved/unwanted. so i would suggest to be persistent.

remind them of how they are loved and wanted by Christ and that that is really all that matters.

start helping them to feel loved and wanted in words and actions. if you're not sure where to start, i would definitely recommend to start slow; in fact, i would stress to start slow. typically, unloved/unwanted people isolate themselves and it takes a while for them to open up. going in and helping them too quickly could cause them to feel very uncomfortable and it may make them feel like what they go through is meaningless, and that you are just trying to fix them, instead of actually wanting them to feel loved and wanted by you.

pray about the words to say to him/her and always be aware of how your actions could affect them, especially after you have been helping them.

stay strong, encourage him/her, try to understand, and try to be completely free of judgment towards their reasoning.

hope this helps!

sincerely,
allie d.

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