Tuesday, December 13, 2016

a little rant

i don't understand god's plan
i'm scared of not fulfilling it

i don't understand people
and why they say they're there for you,
but they never really are

i don't understand why i'm so sad
and i'm scared of depression

i'm scared of fear
and i'm scared of contentment

i'm scared of heartbreak
and i'm scared of loneliness

i'm scared of sadness
and i'm scared that happiness isn't happy

i'm scared of failure
and i'm scared of succeeding

i'm scared of staying stagnant
and i'm scared of the unknown

i'm scared of being comfortable
and i'm scared of being uncomfortable

i'm scared of hurt
and i'm scared of mending

i'm scared of uncertainty
and i'm scared of understanding

i'm scared of silence
and i'm scared of talking

i'm scared of you
and i'm scared of who i may become

i'm scared of talking about my feelings
and i'm scared of not being myself when i'm upset

i'm scared of being perfect
and i'm scared of not being perfect

i'm scared of temptation
and i'm scared of liars

i'm scared of honesty
and i'll i want to be is honest

i'm scared of change
and i'm scared when nothing's happening

i'm scared of being real
and i'm scared of being someone i'm not

i'm scared of feelings
and i'm scared of emotions

i'm scared of struggling
and i'm scared of really being ok

i'm scared of attention
and i'm scared of not being noticed

i'm scared of loving
and i'm scared of being insensitive

i'm scared of not being able to control
and i'm scared of being in control of everything

i'm scared of insecurity
and being secure

--

hey, this is just a piece of my mind right now.  i promise i'm perfectly ok, i just sometimes have to rant.  i want y'all to know that i'm here for y'all.  life is hard, i'm always here.

i just feel like i'm going through a hard time right now, i feel like i've waited so long for something that's never going to come.

i promise i'm ok

sincerely,
allie d.

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

dying inside | you don't have to be alone

i know you're not okay
just stop acting
you can't do this on your own
you need me and i need you
just let go and let me know
what's bothering you
we don't have to be lonely
i'm here for you even if you're not here for me
because you're family
and you're gonna be alright
just let me hold your hand
through the emptiness
because you aren't supposed to carry those burdens alone
and i'm dying inside because you're believing the lies
that you're not enough

save me from the tears that are coming
because i cannot stand it any longer
just be honest with me
because i'm just a message away
i'm right here for you
just accept me
accept that i've always been here
but you've thought that you can make it on your own
stop pushing away reality
maybe i'll benefit from this too
just be honest with me
i can't stand to see you
broken and lost, lonely and sorrowful
because hope is right beside you, i'm standing right here
i've always been here and i'll always be here for you <3

sincerely,
allie d.

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

she

she shut her eyes, squeezing them, and the tears came tumbling out.

she drove home, her mascara running down her cheeks.

the dark streets were empty, she was the only one out that late.

~

she walked in the small bedroom, and turned on the light, getting ready for slumber that she knew was non-existent. it was quiet and she was tired, she pulled the covers over her frail body, but sleep wasn't all that was on her mind, as she stared at the ceiling.

the sun was rising and the truth was, that she hadn't slept one minute. but her day was waiting, and she needed to practice her forged smile, once again.

she grabbed the wrinkled, long sweater and draped it over her shoulder, knowing that today was going to be hard, and her act wasn't going to last.  But she couldn't show the weakness and sorrow that was really in her heart.

if only there was hope for her, someone who could hold her hand, but she would have to let go to hold on, and she was too weak for that.

Thursday, October 13, 2016

honesty

what if everyone was honest
about their opinions and what they wanted

what if everyone cared
and everyone was sympathetic

what if you gave me a hug today
if i was hurting really hard
i didn't tell you what happened
but you knew me completely
to know something was wrong

what if everyone was friends
no cliques, no fights

what if giving up didn't exist
and letting go was all you could do

what if you were with me today
to stay

what if i knew what you were getting at
and we didn't have to fight

what if you told me that you loved me
and live that life

but god saw something different for us
it hurt me at first
but later i'll be glad

what if we didn't have to change
would i feel better then

what if you didn't say anything
but i knew weren't okay

but i already think that
every hour that you're away

what if no one knew
what hurt felt like

what if life was easy
and giving up was easy

but it wasn't
and it never will be
because you never intended it to be

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

take a minute (you need it!)

push off the to-do list
just for today

take it in and see god's blessings
fix your eyes on how great he is

you'll see the worries fade
because god is in control

take your eyes off the road
just go for a stroll
do something to get life off of your mind

you need it, dear
because you're more than this busy schedule

just take a minute, i promise
everything will fall into place

god's got it
and he wants you to take a minute
to take in his grace, his hope, his provision, his strength, his amazing love

and take a minute

breathe in the fresh cool air
take a minute

tomorrow will be tomorrow, and today you need to take care of yourself

because you are more
you're more than what's bothering you today

in every season god is still god
and you have a reason to worship, you are blessed

darling, you are treasured, wanted, and enough.

you, my friend, are more than what you're going through today.


sincerely,
allie d.

Monday, October 3, 2016

these colors




i'm so fed up
fed up with this stupid act
i don't know anything
and this life has no meaning
who am i?

you remind me that i'm yours
that these colors are temporary
hope is as close as tomorrow
it's a mystery to me
but god's got a plan for me

i've got this
cause god's got me

and nothing else matters

because these colors are temporary and tomorrow is a step away

sincerely,
allie d.

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

hope is...

hope is hearing a baby laughing
hope is a song that makes you want to dance
hope is a purpose. hope is finding you, who you are.

hope is getting the test results back negative
hope is a compliment on a bad day
hope is a feeling. an inner thought process. the little things.

hope is seeing a new life in christ
hope is seeing someone you haven't seen in a while
hope is a mindset. whether it's negative or positive. will you be hopeful or hopeless?

hope is looking back at memories on a late night
hope is knowing you did the right thing
hope is character, supplying you, bit by bit with self-control.

hope is speaking with a stranger
hope is smiling at someone who's hurting
hope is a piece of us, a piece of god, a piece of the puzzle called life.

sincerely,
allie d.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

verses #1

1 corinthians 10:13
no temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. and god is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. but when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

james 4:7
submit yourselves, then, to god. resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

1 john 1:9
if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

2 corinthians 5:17
therefore, if anyone is in christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!

sincerely,
allie d.

Monday, September 19, 2016

one of those days

if you're having one of those days, let me tell you, i am too.

if today has been a battle, let me tell you, you aren't alone.

if you are so down in the dumps, that nothing can get you out, i know how you feel.

i hope you know, darling, that i'm here too.  to cheer you on in life and to help you know that i notice you.  you aren't invisible, you are enough.

if today is one of those days, shoot me a message, a comment, an email, let's get through this together.

because you're special, because you're enough, because you're amazing, because god's got you in the palm of his hand.

and you don't have to worry any longer, because tomorrow is a new day and it will not be one of those days.

love y'all.

sincerely,
allie d.

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

that's l i f e

i can't stand to be still
i don't like being quiet
being s t i l l
being content
there's something in me
that tells me i can't be free

yes, it doesn't make sense,
but i haven't learned to master it
these things have pros and cons
good and bad, black and white
i don't want to be alone, i want to know
i have to c h o o s e
life is all about c h o i c e s
 but i can't be s t i l l
i can't be content
these voices are telling me

he asked me where they were coming from
but honestly, i don't know
they were sneaky and they were one by one
they stole all the fun
and i didn't want to be around anyone at the time
hidden in my own corner
i wasn't ready for company
but he knew what was best for me and he wouldn't go away

in that moment i was learning
to be c o n t e n t
with what i can't change
with the unknowns
and the challenges
it was hard to see the silverlining then, but my time was coming
these thoughts were fleeting

what most people don't see
is that the worst trial in life
is sitting still
the hard part
is being content with n o t h i n g
when N O T H I N G is happening
it's hard to see the other side
the other side of relationships,
of heartbreaks
of l i f e
because all of it is hard

but we aren't here to know the unknowns
we aren't here to be s i l e n t
we are here to be c o n t e n t with who we are
to be content with  l i f e
when n o t h i n g is happening
when e v e r y t h i n g is happening
we are here to rise above the s i l e n t and a w k w a r d situations
to be c o n t e n t with what we said
with the mistakes and what we did wrong
because that's the growing and doing best at this thing called l i f e
that we're living
of course, when n o t h i n g is happening
but also when e v e r y t h i n g is happening

sincerely,
allie d.

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

no worries in the skies

she always looked at me with eyes that were longing...longing for love, for recognition, for something to live for.

she beckoned for me to come over and sit beside her, by the window. i sat and stared at her bright blue eyes, what made her so beautiful. she looked at me, but never spoke.

she looked back out of the window, her dark brown hair blowing in the midnight breeze.

the stars in the sky were bright tonight, and all the worries of the world were gone.

i sat next to her, the stars glowing on her beautiful face. she rested her small head on my shoulder, and we sat there, no worries in the skies.  and there was peace.

sincerely,
allie d.

Saturday, September 3, 2016

i won't sit still

it's like i've been kicked out.

kicked out of my own life.

kicked out of who i am.

the world has taken me and kicked me out of who i wanted to be.

i have faith that the love that set me free will help me in need.

i want to know you know i'm here.

i'm waiting for you to notice who i am.

who i really am.

who i want to be.

who i dream to be.

i'm more than you think i am.

i want to be more than who i've been.

i want to be more.

more than who this world wants me to be.

because i am more.  i am good enough.

i have been found. i'm no longer lost.

i know my name.

it's beloved. saved. believed. acknowledged. beautiful.

because you called me to do something.

something higher than just sitting here waiting.

something beautiful.

something that i can't grasp alone.

something.

i'm ready. i've prepared. i've doubted.

i'll go.  i'll go where you want me to.

take me to where i can be me.

help me to be me.

i can't do it without you.

you called me and i won't sit still.

i'm ready now.  i've thrown away the makeup and i'm ready to be myself.

i'm ready.  show me through your holy spirit who i am, god

sincerely,
allie d.

Monday, August 29, 2016

peace

hey y'all!

i have a story to tell today.

so about six months ago, i was struggling with something and i read a verse in the bible, philippians 4:7, "and the peace of god that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in christ jesus."  that day, i prayed and basically just gave god that verse.  i read it and prayed that god would use it.  i prayed and said that i didn't know what god was speaking to me through the verse, but i knew he would use it.

i began to see philippains 4:7 everywhere!  it was in my devotionals, on social media, and so much more.  i knew that god had given me this verse, but i didn't know how and i didn't know why.

two weeks ago and part of last week i was battling with this same situation, the one i spoke about above.  it had been six months and i felt like god was telling me to let go.  on the other hand, i felt he was telling me to keep moving and to hold on.  i prayed and finally came up with the answer, to let go.  so last week i let go of all of this, with much prayer.  i can not explain to you how i felt after i let go of all of this baggage that i had been holding on to for 6 months.  there was a peace in my heart, that i cannot explain.  it was amazing, and that's how i knew that i had made the right decision.

this morning i was doing my devotions, you know, regular day, and i came across a verse that i was familiar with, philippians 4:7.  i immediately saw the word peace and remembered reading this verse 6 months ago.  and 6 months ago today i come across with the exact verse and realize what god was working through me all along.  it's amazing to see what god does behind the scenes.  low and behold, a week after i had let go of all of this, and i was having doubting thoughts about it, god never gave up on me. yesterday and when i woke up, i had conflicting thoughts but god didn't remain silent in my life, god acted on my part because i trusted in him and i believed that he has my life planned and he uses everything for my good.

there are no such things as coincidences god is always working on our part, in us, through little things.  he will always look out for us.  he will never leave or forsake us.  he will never forget us.

if you're going through something in your life, and you feel like god has forgotten you, and he doesn't hear your prayers, i am here to tell you today that he is always with you.  he is here, can you feel him?  you have to believe and trust that he is always working in you.  and you will find that peace, that transcends all understanding.  that peace is why i'm here today.

if you're going through something, i'm here for you.  just shoot me an email or comment below.  i'd love to pray for you.

we gotta stick together, guys!

"i have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. in this world you may have trouble.  but take heart! i have overcome the world!"
john 16:33

"cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
1 peter 5:7

"resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. and the god of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
1 peter 5:9-10

" now may the lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. the lord be with all of you."
2 thessalonians 3:16

"you will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you."
isaiah 26:3

sincerely,
allie d.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

dialogue #1

"but everyone knows who they are."
"not everyone does, but step one to finding who you are is finding who you're living for."
"but i don't know what i'm living for. what if you're utterly confused?"
"you have to trust."
"no one has ever trusted me. how do i learn to trust?"
"you find the trust that you've wanted in your life, and you trust."
"but i'm afraid. what if i mess up. what if..."
"there are no what ifs in trust. step two is being open to change. change is a form of trust."
"change? up, down, across, and sideways?"
"yes, but in a dark world, there will be a fight and that's where the trust comes in."
"so life is a big war and we're trying to defeat the enemy?"
"yes, the enemy is the devil. and his plots and schemes will never end. you have to stay strong and resist temptations."
"but how do i resist?"
"you have to trust and pray that what your trust is upon will save you from the plots and schemes and temptations."
"so that's how it all connects. so life is a big puzzle. and each piece is a step."
"yes, and you'll learn along the way."

sincerely,
allie d.

Saturday, June 25, 2016

the little things

it's the little things.

like the little girls that want to be your friends, or the heart shaped strawberries.

it's not the heartbreaks...the forgotten birthdays...the dishes...or the storms.

it's the icecream and the sprinkles and the water balloon fights and the friends that you haven't talked to in years and they still remember you.

it's definitely the little things in life, that make us realize we're really, truly blessed and loved.

it's when you find your identity, and when you get that unexpected gift of forgiveness...when you start to appreciate the little things.

i love you guys. <3

sincerely,
allie d.

Friday, June 24, 2016

in my grasp

lord,

help me to give up things that are not in my grasp.  

remind me that these things are temporary, and that they won't be in my grasp forever.

continue to encourage me to think of things that i can treasure. things of yours that can forever be in my grasp.

carry me along the way to teach me to be thankful for the people and things that are in my grasp.

help me to give up temporary things, encouraging me along the way, with treasures from your word, and helping me to be thankful for these....that are in my grasp.

______________________________________

"therefore i tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly father feeds them. are you not much more valuable than they?"
matthew 6:25-26

"that is why, for christ's sake, i delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. for when i am weak, then i am strong."
2 corinthians 12:10

sincerely,
allie d.

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

stuck in life

what do you do when your stuck?

have you ever been "stuck"?

stuck in faith, stuck in life, stuck in people, stuck in relationships, stuck in jobs, stuck in finances, stuck in everything.

these days i am feeling stuck.  in faith and in relationships with others.

god is still working, but it's hard for me to keep moving, and move on.

maybe god isn't ready for me to move on. idk. i'm just stuck.

lord,
give me the strength to move on if it's your will. if it's not, help me to move slowly to the next step of life. give me the strength and love i need to get through these days without fear. because there is no fear in love. there is no fear in faith.

help me to know that you love me with an everlasting love, that life is not measured by the number of breaths that i take but the moments that take my breath away. and the god-moments that take my breath away.

help me to jump into the unknown, to take the next step in my future, knowing that you are all-powerful, knowing that you're my ever-present help. that you can get me through this and help me to move on and move to what's next for me in my life.

thank you for the love that you've given me.

amen.

sincerely,
allie d.

Friday, February 19, 2016

formal agreement | engagement

the cherry blossoms were in full bloom, vibrant in their own colorful array.

from the smile on her face, i knew her thoughts, this is all she ever wanted. and i get to fulfill this dream with her.

we reached the small bench and sat down looking at the next clue, she was so vibrant in her own unique way,

i smiled at her with eyes brimmed with tears, knelt down by her and before i could say a word, she was already saying yes as she hugged me and dried her eyes.

thanks for reading!

sincerely,
allie d.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

this legacy

she can't sleep at night
she wonders if he'll change his mind
is there hope
does he give grace
is she in this race
she struggles to think of a time
if he'll ever leave her there
alone in the dark
is there a mark
a trace of this legacy

sincerely,
allie d.