"hi! i'm a junior! okay so i have an awful tendency to like a guy and then not like him. it breaks their heart and i got to the point to where i told myself i wouldn't date in high school anymore. i made that decision before summer last year. i ended up breaking my promise with myself because i started to like a guy. then out of the blue one day i realized i didn't like him anymore and i had to break things off, we only talked for a few weeks but it broke him. it was an unpleasant situation and his feelings for me way too quickly. it was one of the worst experiences with guys i've ever had. then i got super mad at myself and i made the promise again. after talking to that guy, (which was around thanksgiving) i haven't talked to anyone else. i just haven't been able to trust myself. there's a guy that i kinda like now..he's a christian, a good guy, funny, sweet, cute and i'm developing a crush i can't really stop. whenever i see him (which isn't much) my fondness for him grows. i see him at church and sometimes in school but not much at all. i realized i've liked him for a few weeks now. the thing is, i tend to like someone then stop after they start liking me, and also, i know this is looking super ahead but he's going to be in the navy. i know i need to give it time but i just thought maybe there's some advice you could give me or just help me feel like i'm not alone. thank you so much.
dear isa, thanks for writing in! my best advice for you would be to wait a little longer to start something with this guy. i think we all should wait a while after a breakup to start another romantic relationship. but, i also feel that this "stop liking guys when they start to like you" thing could be something that you just need to grow out of. i would also like to encourage you to maybe sit down in a quiet room with a notebook and write down your thoughts and feelings regarding that, and you may be able to figure out why you stop liking guys when they start liking you. it's probably something that you subconsciously do. it may be something that you are doing to try to protect yourself or something like that. and if you can analyze yourself enough to find out the meaning behind why you do that. it could help you, if it's something that is not benefiting you, you can stop thinking from that mindset.
i'm not sure if this fits your situation, but you may be rushing into relationships too quickly. if you feel like you break things off after they start to like you because you find out something about them (ex. a characteristic, view, etc.) that you don't like, then maybe you should start to get to know a guy better before starting a serious relationship.
another piece of advice would be to maybe if you have another situation to where you just out of the blue don't like a guy anymore, take a week at least to think about why you may feel disinterested. don't make these decisions too quickly. i feel like that may help you, so it won't be so hard on your guy.
i would also like to encourage you to just keep praying about the situation. i feel like we as girls seem to get easily obsessed over things (especially guys), so if it's possible i think you should just kind of lay low for a while and just take a moment to breathe and be single. i know that can be hard, but you waiting now will help to prepare you for someone worthwhile to come along and who knows, they may be your forever guy.
don't get your heart set on this guy, or on any expectations that you may have made. it may save you from heartbreak later on.
i actually notice one thing that i think you could change for next time...i noticed that you said you made a promise to yourself, and i just can't help but notice that that's probably why you couldn't keep that promise. we are human. if you make any more promises, maybe next time you could make that promise to God instead. that was just something that i noticed, so i figured i'd point it out. :)
this is hard advice to take, i know if i were you, i wouldn't want to hear this, but i hope you can get something out of this that you may be able to implement in your life.
sincerely,
allie d.
i'm not sure if this fits your situation, but you may be rushing into relationships too quickly. if you feel like you break things off after they start to like you because you find out something about them (ex. a characteristic, view, etc.) that you don't like, then maybe you should start to get to know a guy better before starting a serious relationship.
another piece of advice would be to maybe if you have another situation to where you just out of the blue don't like a guy anymore, take a week at least to think about why you may feel disinterested. don't make these decisions too quickly. i feel like that may help you, so it won't be so hard on your guy.
i would also like to encourage you to just keep praying about the situation. i feel like we as girls seem to get easily obsessed over things (especially guys), so if it's possible i think you should just kind of lay low for a while and just take a moment to breathe and be single. i know that can be hard, but you waiting now will help to prepare you for someone worthwhile to come along and who knows, they may be your forever guy.
don't get your heart set on this guy, or on any expectations that you may have made. it may save you from heartbreak later on.
i actually notice one thing that i think you could change for next time...i noticed that you said you made a promise to yourself, and i just can't help but notice that that's probably why you couldn't keep that promise. we are human. if you make any more promises, maybe next time you could make that promise to God instead. that was just something that i noticed, so i figured i'd point it out. :)
this is hard advice to take, i know if i were you, i wouldn't want to hear this, but i hope you can get something out of this that you may be able to implement in your life.
sincerely,
allie d.
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